Is a College Deferral or Rejection a Failure?

Failure is an inevitable and necessary part of life

As college acceptance letters flood mailboxes and social media buzzes with proud parents sharing their high schoolers' successes, it's crucial to remember that failure is not only normal but an essential part of growth and success.

As college acceptance letters flood mailboxes and social media buzzes with proud parents sharing their high schoolers' successes, it's crucial to remember that failure is not only normal but an essential part of growth and success. For teens feeling the sting of rejection or deferral, it's vital to understand that these setbacks are not the end of the world but stepping stones to future achievements.

Normalizing Failure: A Vital Life Lesson\

Failure is an inevitable and necessary part of life, especially for young adults. Hamilton College President Steven Tepper wisely stated, "When we are engaged in advancing ideas or challenging ourselves to grow, we need to welcome failure alongside success. Yes, failure. It is ok not to have the answer."

The Hidden Truth of Success Stories

While it may seem everyone else is doing everything right, the reality is different. Many successful individuals have faced numerous setbacks and failures before achieving their goals. For instance:

Michael Jordan, one of the greatest athletes in history, was cut from his high school basketball team
Ed Sheeran, now a globally renowned musician, failed his music college auditions multiple times.

These stories remind us that failure is not the opposite of success but a crucial part of it.

Reframing Failure for Teens

Failure as a Learning Opportunity

Instead of viewing failure as a source of shame or humiliation, teens should be encouraged to see it as a valuable learning experience. Here's how:

Measure the impact: Teach teens to assess the size and consequences of their failures, making them less overwhelming
Reframe negative self-talk: Challenge rigid thinking patterns and catastrophizing by offering alternative perspectives
Embrace the growth mindset: Encourage teens to view challenges as opportunities for improvement rather than insurmountable obstacles

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Building Resilience Through Failure

Resilience is a key skill that can be developed through experiencing and overcoming failures. Stanford University's "Resilience Project" and Smith College's "Failing Well" program are examples of how institutions are working to help students build this crucial skill

How Parents Can Help

Create a supportive environment: Celebrate efforts regardless of outcomes and avoid punitive reactions to failures
Model failure handling: Share your own experiences with failure and how you overcame them
Encourage problem-solving: Help your teen reflect on what they can learn from their failures and how to apply these lessons in the future
Allow for natural consequences: Resist the urge to protect your teen from every misstep, as these experiences are vital for building problem-solving skills and confidence

The Bigger Picture

Remember, the journey of life is not immune to failure. By normalizing failure and teaching teens how to learn from it, we're equipping them with invaluable skills for future success. As they navigate the challenges of college applications and beyond, remind them that their worth is not determined by a single outcome but by their resilience, growth, and ability to learn from every experience – including failures.

Let's shift the focus from fearing failure to embracing it as a stepping stone to success. After all, as the saying goes, "Failure is not the opposite of success, it's part of success."

Gail Nichols, Independent College Consultant for over 12 years. Helping students to find their college is my passion.